Early Art Period

 

Introduction

 

Some say that art is man's loftiest endeavor -- a mortal attempt to be like God, to create something where there was nothing, to move the spirit and touch the soul. Others say that art is a load of sheep dip. Most of us fall somewhere in between, able to appreciate a pretty picture, but in constant amazement that "patrons" will pay $700,000 for a painting of a red square on a white background. The first thing you should know is that some art really is crap. The catch, though, is that nobody can agree on which art is crap. This means that if you learn the tricks, then you can fake an expertise in art analysis that would make Andy Warhol proud.

 

Art appreciation is an easy fake, and you're about to learn how to do it. Who knows, you might even pick up a bit of genuine appreciation along the way. Don't get scared, it won't make you less of a man (even if you're a woman).

 

One caveat here: some intellectual, pedantic, sipping-tea-with-their-pinkie-extended types think that all art should be interpreted literally. "What's important," they say condescendingly, "is knowing who Mona Lisa was, what she did for a living, what those trees in the background stand for, what Leonardo had for dinner the night he painted Mona," and so on. We take the position that this is garbage. As long as you can say something quasi-intelligent about the painting itself, you'll be leagues ahead of everyone else.

 

To get the right side of your brain warmed up, take a gander at these famous works of art.

 

Some people get PhDs in Art History; we're perfectly content to merely have you scam your way through centuries of artistry. So below, we provide you with the characteristics of the basic art periods.